August 13, 2015: A book: "The Hundred Year Old Man." by

     Heidi led the group in a departure of our usual summer Bake Offs. She had read the comedic novel by Jonas Jonasson, a best selling author. The book is entitled The Hundred Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared.

Allan is about to be honored with a 100th birthday party when, for no particular reason, he decides to climb out the window of the retirement home where he lives and do some aimless traveling. How aimless? “Can you travel somewhere from here?” he asks the ticket clerk at the local bus station.

A customer with an urgent restroom issue leaves his suitcase with Allan, who promptly boards a bus with it, not realizing it is stuffed with cash. That sets off an adventure in which he is pursued by various nefarious types, most of whom come to unfortunate ends. It is one of these whose body draws the attention of the cadaver dog, but the police official investigating the increasingly odd string of events Allan is leaving in his wake is inclined to discount the dog’s report, thinking that perhaps Allan is causing a false reading.

“Older people don’t smell like we do,” the official explains to a colleague. “A sweeter smell, sort of — a bit cadaverish.”

As Allan ambles on, he picks up some friends and an elephant, and we also learn about his rather eventful life through flashbacks. Turns out the fellow was a catalytic force in some major historical events. Who knew?

The book was also made into a movie. The trailer can be seen at the website below:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/08/movies/review-the-100-year-old-man-who-climbed-out-the-window-and-disappeared.html?_r=0

     Some of the members of our group read the book; others couldn't get into it, myself included. Many reviewers have compared the character Allan to Forrest Gump.
     Perhaps some of the humor is more Swedish and depends on that culture to provide the hilarity. Several members of the group could identify with an older person that they knew or related to. Some thought of their parents and what could be coming or already present in their battle with aging. One thought that Vonnegut, John Collins, and John Irving write somewhat like this.
     The absurd coincidences and the old man's participation and indeed change of history added humor, recognition, and funny elements.

     Several thought that Allan, the main character, was a mindful person. He lives in the moment all the time. However, there is almost a pathological nature to his presence in the moment. Could it relate to Allan's love of alcohol through much of his portrayed life. Is he really suffering from dementia? Every terrible problem he runs into, he just skips along. He does not fear death. He didn't even think about it. Whatever happens happens. Also perhaps due to the conviviality of the alcohol effect, Allan is able to make friends with the most awful people, and in the end change history

     Heidi summarized what she knew about the typical Swedish collective psyche and how it relates to the main character, Allan. Allan believes that without alcohol, you can't solve world problems. It should be noted that alcohol is very expensive in Sweden. The Swedes drive to Germany to load up the old Volvo. Scandinavians don't drink during the work week, but on the weekend, it is party drinking associated with binge drinking, violence, argumentativeness, etc. This comprises a large component of the Swedish culture. To some degree, this novel showed some of the melancholy that exists in these northern cold climes. The people seem to live in tranquility, quiet, reserved, and seem to be people with few words. Vodka loosens that reserve. They use it to get out of their shells.

     Interestingly, the author's father was an ambulance driver and his mother was a nurse.

     Certainly, this discussion and book was a change up for our group. And it provided a source for an interesting discussion.   

August 6, 2015: Bake Off

     We continue with our Summer Bake Off series.

July 30, 2015: Bake Off: Representations, Illusions, and Philosophical Wanderings.

     This meeting was one of our free-for-all Bake Offs.
     We began by wondering a little bit about meditation and contemplation, and the idea of focusing on an object to train our concentration.
     A member offered that, for example, that blue coffee cup there on the table is a representation. But also there is a mindfulness of the cup, an experience in the present moment of the cup. There is a gap between seeing the cup and being mindful of it, and then knowing, associating with it as the blue cup for drinking coffee,etc. The cup is basically all of our individual associations.
     Meridith offered some ideas on representation: this word means a function of how our sensory organs work. The goal of meditating to reach a base awareness doesn't mean not perceiving the object. Indeed, representation is the mass of huge concepts we place between us and the object. We fill our mind with labels. In most spiritual traditions, it is the labels that we try to drop.
     There is another way to concentrate on an object; that is a concept that Thich Nhat Hanh calls Interbeing. If we think about a piece of paper. The existence of that paper consists and is dependent on a whole series of things and events. It is the wood, the tree, the people who grow the tree, those who cut the tree, those who work in the paper factory, and on and on. Take away one of those things and we would not have the piece of paper. The piece of paper is actually all of that. From here we get into in permanence. Everything has a limited existence in time and space. We should actually look at objects as verbs rather than nouns. They are becoming, being, disappearing when we thing of the object.
     Someone wrote: "Our personal consciousness is not capable of representing more than a small portion of all this. Our senses cannot even detect many energy forms....Consciousness is dependent on language, and also on needs and desires. As the 13th century Persian Sufi Poet Rumi wrote: "What a piece of break looks like depends on whether you are hungry or not."
     Paul commented that whether we get at the idea of reaching enlightenment or any form of peace by spiritual means or by using a materialistic physical view of the cosmos, we may be comforted and indeed liberated by the idea that we may never know the right way. We feel comforted by having it be OK not to know, or even not to try hard to know.
    Todd Davison, our former leader, said it again and again, "We can choose peace." Originally he was very Freudian on his view of the ego. But after he wrote his book, Trust the Force", his concept of the ego was tempered. It had moderated. We all know about the fight or flight response, but in the end we can choose this or we can choose peace.
     Gary said, who has written so much about this, said, "What makes me who I am is my view of the blue cup (that we talked about earlier), my experience of the blue cup. That experience is what is real. The cup is an illusion, but the experience is real. Another way to look at it: rather than the drop of water being absorbed by the ocean; the drop of water takes on the ocean." This is comforting. My existence like the drop of water is important and can take on the whole of the universe. Representations of a red rubber ball are not real. Our experience is of a red rubber ball. Our nervous system is limited and can not express everything there is about the red rubber ball. 
    

July 23, 2015: Relationships

     This Bake Off opened with a summary of a recent Phillip Chard essay on relationships: Here is the link to this article:

http://www.jsonline.com/features/advice/some-who-seek-couples-counseling-need-to-look-at-themselves-first-b99537050z1-316136921.html

     Summarizing, in this essay Mr. Chard tells of a couple that came to him for counseling. But it was immediately clear that they were so angry at each other and so ready to throw insults at each other that he could barely get a word into the discussion. Mr. Chard went to the blackboard and began to keep score. But even that didn't work. He finally suggested that they should each seek counseling separately so that they could fix themselves and find help in seeing how each person themselves were contributing to the conflict instead of just blaming the other person only.

     " Counselors usually do their best to encourage self-reflection as part of the process, and sometimes the participants embrace this approach and find it helpful. However, with folks like Ann and Matt, the capacity to scrutinize one's own culpability is often limited. Immersed in ego, they can't see past their own self-interest.
If my repeated attempts fail to redirect the partners away from blaming each other and toward ownership of their respective parts in the marital conundrum, then a different approach is in order.
"You both need to be in counseling, but not together," I suggested.
Getting one's own mental house squared away can be a prerequisite to effective couples work, but, in their haste to fix things, too many partners leapfrog over this step and have at it. And even when counselors try to steer couples in this direction, they often meet resistance from one or both. After all, acknowledging the need to first change one's self is a tacit admission that one is part of the problem. Some folks just aren't ready to accept that.
"Unless you're both willing to address your individual issues, you don't need a marriage counselor," I suggested. "You need a referee."
Sometimes, before we can find the other person, first we need to find ourselves"

     As often happens with this group, we stuck to this topic almost for the entire hour. There were various comments worth repeating here.

     One problem with relationships is that they do change over time. This makes it very easy for a couple to lose each other. And the ego tends to push back against the other person. Some tricks can help keep this from happening such as a regular date night, or setting aside time for each other. And it may be that some couples are just not able to remain with each other. They have changed their goals too much.

     Sharleen commented that one can predict by studying their language used with each other whether the couple will have a successful romantic relationship. I am not sure if this is what Sharleen meant, but I found this interesting link describing just such a study. It turns out that where the style of speech used between two people is similar, the couple seems to have more success. Here is the link:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/01/110125104141.htm

     Paul often gives us a Buddhist perspective that is very helpful. He commented that one of the last things that people must give up before enlightenment is comparisons. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others and others to us. Then there becomes a competition. This is one of the hardest things to give up.

     Meridith reminded us of the 12 steps used in the AA and other addictive medical counseling: One of the steps is to make amends. To accomplish this, one must stop bargaining about how much was your fault. Blame and responsibility are shared.  One should own up to the 10% or the 20% or whatever amount of the disagreement comes from yourself. Own up to your piece of it. Leave the bargaining out. Virtually everyone can absolve themselves by some circuitous route. This is an ego defending process. It must be given up.

     Paul gave an example of a couple who have exactly opposite politics. They can agree to disagree. They accept that they are different. Too often we want to change the other person. But it is actually liberating to be in a couple where the other is not going to change. You can give up trying to change the other.

     One problem may be that civility has gone in a bad relationship. Our society in general has become much more uncivil and that standard is catching. The disappearance of civility has been very damaging to our relationships and to our society.

     Part of the problem is that the institution of marriage and its various property relationships adds another level of challenge to marriages. And life changing events such as the death of a child, or loss of a job, or similar events over which we have no control can change a person in a relationship so that that relationship cannot recover.

     Some thought that certain cultural characteristics such as a German rigid and perfectionist and non-demonstrative personality, or the passionate and too demonstrative Mediterranean personality also add challenges to getting along in a relationship.

     Admiration may be a nugget, and a gem that if present between two people in a relationship can hold the two individuals together. If you adore the other person, you are more ready to accept differences. Ask yourself, what would you do without the other person to bring out these nuggets of admiration and adoration. Eric has seen in his end of life counseling and planning, that successful families at this stage of life are those who can accept conflict.

     From a Buddhist perspective, the whole idea in dharma is just acceptance -- well not just acceptance but an actual joy in the other person. Celebrate the difference. Always understand that the other person has a good heart -- the vast majority of people want to do good for the world. Therefore we must have compassion for the other person and accept them and the situation with equanimity. As Thich Nhat Hanh said: "Turn garbage into flowers."

    Of course, not all relationships are romantic and between couples. We have relationships with our family members, our fellow workers, our friends, our neighbors and most of these adages apply to them as well.

     As the last word, your author decided to tell a story about a relationship that would end the hour with some humor. -- A woman was grocery shopping when she saw an elderly gentleman and young boy in her aisle. The young boy was acting out, begging for everything he saw, whining, and then throwing a tantrum if he didn't get what he wanted. The elderly gentleman, looking like the boy's grandfather seemed to be constantly speaking to the boy in a calm voice, soothing, and trying to help.
" OK, Tommie, just a little longer."  More crying and screaming!
"Tommie, we just have to go down this aisle and then we can go to the check out counter. You can make it. I know you can."
OK, Tommie, just about done. We just have to pay for the food.'
The boy was still crying and begging and acting out.
"OK, Tommie, we made it. We just have to go to the car now. You are going to make it."
     The woman was so impressed with how the man had dealt with this unruly child that she decided to follow them to their car.
" Sir, I followed you out because I wanted to tell you how I admire how you dealt with your little boy. You were so calm and so soothing and you dealt with a difficult situation admirably."
     "Well, thank you for your kind words, ma'am," said the man. "But perhaps we should introduce ourselves to you. This wild little creature here is my grandson Kevin. And I am Tommie." 

July 16, 2015: Summer Bake Off

July 9, 2015: Summer Bake Off: Affirmations

     The opening presentation at this week's Summer Bake Off was the following daily affirmation from "The Daily Word":

"Sacred Love
  I am blessed by sacred relationships. From the day I was born, I have given and received love in sacred relationships. My parents cared fro me with tenderness and I responded with smiles. Now I see my loved ones through the eyes of God and generously return their affection. I find joy in the deep love we share.
 I commit to maintaining healthy and happy relationships. I am present for special occasions. I listen attentively and accept my loved ones as they are. I release any perceived differences to the guidance of Spirit. My beloved and I grow as we support and encourage each other.
I thank God for the unique bonds in which I share my sacred qualities.
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of  the Holy Spirit be with all of you  -- 2 Corinthians 13:13

     The Daily Word is a subscription of daily affirmations which can be obtained on line on the Internet, or one can download an app on their smartphone or on an Ipad. It cost $1.50/month.

     What does this word, affirmation, mean? Of course there is a legal definition whereby a person makes a true statement or asserts that a statement is true.  The word originates in the Latin affirmare, to assert. But another use of the word, affirmation, means a form of self-forced meditation or repetition, almost an autosuggestion. It is this use of the word that we are discussing regarding those various sites online, in print, and even on our smartphones where a few words of positivity can be repeated and meditated on to achieve some personal transformation. The Daily Word is an example of a Christian based subscription of such daily positive statements. There are many such sources of daily affirmations.

     Louise Hay is a big afficianado of affirmations. She started life as a model but was dealt some life blows in her marriage and in her health. She then began to believe first in the healing ability of positive thinking and later even in the ability of positive thinking to create financial wealth. She has authored several New Thought self-help books and is the author of many affirmations which can be found attractively presented at this website:
http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/
Louise Hay later founded Hay Publishing which has published several books of Deepak Chopra and Dwayne Dyer, among other authors.

      Such affirmation statements may be used as a mantra. They can just be a nice start to your day. But do they really work? And how helpful are they to people? After all affirmations are just words and words can be either good or bad. Repeating and concentrating on such affirmations certainly could have a positive effect. Certain kinds of affirmations could be more like an aspiration. For example, the prayer: "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace," really is more like an aspiration. One is saying what one would like to achieve or become. In addition, affirmations could become inspirations, and a vehicle for change. In some ways, affirmations may be more like programming. hopefully in a positive direction. Studies have shown that positive thinking and general optimism does boost the immune system. And positive thinking seems to produce calm and peaceful feelings. However, these types of affects are hard to measure scientifically.

     In some cases affirmations may seem too positive. They may seem somewhat like a pollyanna.  The presence of positive views in spite of the most adverse of life conditions can seem overbearing, or can seem naive, simplistic, or foolish. In this view, the positive thinking is not realistic nor believable. One would seem to have to believe in the affirmation for it to have some effect.    

     Psychology and science have looked at the use of affirmations to some degree. There is some controversy about their usefulness in this realm as well. It was reported in 2009 that a study had found positive affirmation to have a detrimental effect on those who need it the most, because people with low self-esteem will perceive the affirmation as so unbelievable that it strengthens their negative mindset. Those who already have high self-esteem feel slightly better, and those who don't will feel worse than if they had been allowed negative thoughts. When people with high self esteem use positive affirmation it acts as a buffer for constructive criticism that goes against the self-perception, and when people with low self-esteem use positive affirmation, it rings untrue and therefore brings to mind exactly how they are not successful, loved, etc. However, a 2014 article from Stanford University finds many positive results from the affirmation process. Here are links to these two articles.

.https://www.psychologicalscience.org/media/releases/2009/wood.cfm
 https://ed.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/annurev-psych-psychology_of_change_final_e2.pdf

      There may be some negatives to the use of affirmations. In Zen tradition, dividing things into the good and the bad is also a bad thing; it doesn't serve any purpose. The main idea is that there should be no judgement. But that is also ridiculous. We are humans and we can't take judgement out of it. With thinking, we have judgement. Non-judgement is impossible. Rather one should try to achieve mindfulness of judgement. It is important to know that we do have judgement and we need to be aware of it. This is what the Dali Lama is talking about when he suggesst and practices equanimity.

     Equanimity means letting go, allowing for more acceptance. I accept my future the way it may work out. "I really do believe I can be an instrument of my peace." We are all able to conduct things for ourselves and we are aware of the options. We are telling ourselves our narrative and there is a choice. 

Tentative Schedule for Summer 2015

     In the summer we traditionally make things a little less rigorous and scheduled. We mostly have Bake Offs. Again to explain to the unfamiliar member, Bake Offs have nothing to do with cuisine. Instead, at our spiritual meetings, after the traditional half hour of meditation, members take turns or perhaps strongly lobby to present short spiritual pieces they have brought along that have moved them, or that they feel will promote a good discussion in the area of spirituality. Then our very intellectual and well read group adds ingredients (comments and quotes), stirs (the group cogitates and adds whatever mixing that seems required), and the spiritual dish is baked and we all see what we came up with. Members can bring one or two pieces that they might like to share. However, there is no guarantee that they will get their piece presented. If they don't, they wait for another day. If discussions become interesting and members are leaning forward, sitting on the edge of their chair and engaged in the discussion, the moderator will not stop the discussion. But as the moderator, I am watching for a flagging of interest. If people retreat and there seems to be little non repetitive statements to add to our Bake Off dish, we move on to another presenter sometimes totally changing the topic of discussion. Sometimes these meetings don't work so well, and other times -- actually in this group most times, we produce some very energetic participatory discussion. Recently non members of our group and perhaps members of the Mindfulness Center sangha have come in and stood in the back of the room toward the end of our meeting. They have commented that they seldom have seen such an energetic group. I think this kind of meeting and the kind of group that produces it is very special and we must do everything we can to preserve this atmosphere.

     Tentative Schedule for July and August, 2015. (subject to change).

     July 9, 2015:  Summer Bake Off

     July 16, 2015:  Summer Bake Off

     July 23, 2015: Guess what -- Top Secret meeting,  Bake Off.

     July 30, 2015: The Guenther Pohlmann - Todd Davison Society Meeting.  An explanation. Two of our founding members, and leaders have left us. The group preserves the 5th Thursday of any month that has a 5th Thursday to honor these two gentlemen by presenting either some of their writing, some of their artistic loves, such as photos, or music, or the group just shares memories related to the lives of these two very intelligent and spiritual leaders. We are fortunate to have Gunther's daughter and sometimes his wife and his grandson as well as Todd's wife in attendance at these Society meetings. They are often able to supply some pertinent material. Thanx to all of them.
     On this occasion, Su will not be present, so Heidi will talk about something to do with Dr. Guenther Pohlmann and anyone else can join in.

     August 6, 2015: Regularly scheduled Bake Off. (It is the same format as described above.)
                             

     August 13, 2015: Summer Bake Off  But this date Heidi will lead a book discussion group of the book "The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared ", a novel by Jonas Jonasson. If you are looking for a summer read, this one would be a good one. It has to do with aging, nursing homes, and how our society deals with our old people. If you don't have time to read the whole book by Aug 6, even the first 100 pages would contribute to a discussion. You could then complete the book later. You can try to look in the library systems, or check amazon.com. Often they will send a used copy quite quickly. Heidi has a very limited window for leading this discussion, hence the speedy scheduling. For those of you who are confused about the schedule, we did originally schedule the book discussion for August 6th, but since this give us more time to read the book, and Heidi is able to lead the discussion, August 13 will be the book discussion on "The 100 Year Old Man..."

     August 20, 2015: Summer Bake Off

     August 27, 2015: Board of Directors Meeting. The title of this meeting is a misnomer, because there is no real Board of Directors. However, every now and then when the need arises, the entire group meets to discuss future topics for presentation and recruits presenters for these topics. Also sometimes discussions are held about logistics, procedures and how we conduct our meetings. In the past some of these discussions have taken time from our regular hour presentations. Therefore if at all possible we will try to keep discussions of changes in format, changes in procedures, and future presentation ideas to the Board of Directors' Meeting. This will keep intrusions into the hour of our regular meetings to a minimum.

     September 3, 2015: Regular monthly Bake Off.

     September 10, 2015: Resumption of Regular Scheduled Presentations. Topic To Be Announced.

     Now after having spelled out this obviously very complex schedule with its explanations, as your moderator and author of this blog, let me say that nothing is set in concrete. If anyone has a presentation that they would like to insert into one of these Bake Offs, just let me know. The summer is characterized by flexibility.