Sunday, July 10, 2011

Bake Off Session: July 7, 2011

At this session of our SpiritMindBody Group we had a Bake Off. One member brought this week's Phillip Chard column, entitled Advice Best Received If It Pushes the Thought Processes. Here is the link to that column.
http://www.jsonline.com/features/health/124984799.html

This column actually kept the group discussing for the whole hour meeting. The group agreed that most people just want to vent, or need just a little help to work through a problem themselves. Therefore most are not looking for any complex list of advice.

Several in the group felt that some people are more secure and self-assured  and accept the advice well.

Todd recalls taking a Course in Miracles years ago. The chapter was called "Returning to Love". Todd wanted to speak with the instructor about this chapter. He called a friend who had access to the instructor and asked if the instructor could get him in contact with the teacher. The friend asked, "What is your goal?"
He didn't ask details; he didn't ask what Todd wanted to talk about, just got straight to the point. Perhaps such a very direct question or brief statement might help where there is a need for advice.

The need for guidance or need to work it out themselves are also age dependent.

Lives in the Balance is the non-profit organization founded by child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child and Lost at School, to advocate on behalf of behaviorally challenging kids and their parents, teachers, and other caregivers and to provide free, web-based resources to help people understand these kids in ways that are more compassionate and accurate and help them in ways that are more effective. Lives in the Balance is organized as a non-profit organization, and has applied for tax-exempt status.
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/about-lives-in-the-balance-and-collaborative-problem-solving

Challenging behavior occurs when the demands of the environment exceed a kid’s capacity to respond adaptively. There are three ways of guiding kids. Plan A is "Kid, you do it this way."  Plan C is "Let the kid do his own thing even if it is destructive behavior. The one you want is Plan B which is collaborative. You work individually with the child to determine what a few of the unsolved problems are that are causing the poor behavior. Then you help the kid figure out ways that might solve a couple of those problems.

I brought up that I thought the ability of taking advice and the overwhelming need to give lots of advice also could be gender specific. The group thought that was not necessarily true; that so-called Mars and Venus differences were not always present only in one gender.

One member mentioned a program called Parenting with Love and Logic. This program is encompasses a philosophy founded by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., and based on the experience of a combined total of over 75 years working with and raising kids. There is also a program for teachers with this system. Among many other characteristics, it allows children choices which get more complex as they get older. It allows children to suffer the consequences of their actions within limits, and deals with all such conflicts with expressions of love. Of course it is much more complex than this, but this website is a good source for books about the program. http://www.loveandlogic.com/what-is-for-parents.html

Judy presented two very practical methods to control behavior. After recess the kids (60 of them in her class) came in with all sorts of complaints about each other.She would sit down upon the desk in front of all the kids and ask "Who did what out there?" She would let the kids vent for a while. Then she would ask the question: "What did you do back?"  After a lot of answers there, she would then ask: "What would have been better?"  It worked to settle them down. They were assured that they were heard and they had learned a possible way to behave that would have been less disruptive. Judy also did a sociogram, asking each kid in private who their two best friends were. She mapped all the answers and then could determine who the kids were that were the best liked and the leaders. She could then reinforce behavior through them.