This Bake Off opened with a summary of a recent Phillip Chard essay on relationships: Here is the link to this article:
http://www.jsonline.com/features/advice/some-who-seek-couples-counseling-need-to-look-at-themselves-first-b99537050z1-316136921.html
Summarizing, in this essay Mr. Chard tells of a couple that came to him for counseling. But it was immediately clear that they were so angry at each other and so ready to throw insults at each other that he could barely get a word into the discussion. Mr. Chard went to the blackboard and began to keep score. But even that didn't work. He finally suggested that they should each seek counseling separately so that they could fix themselves and find help in seeing how each person themselves were contributing to the conflict instead of just blaming the other person only.
" Counselors usually do their best to encourage
self-reflection as part of the process, and sometimes the participants
embrace this approach and find it helpful. However, with folks like Ann
and Matt, the capacity to scrutinize one's own culpability is often
limited. Immersed in ego, they can't see past their own self-interest.
If my repeated attempts fail to
redirect the partners away from blaming each other and toward ownership
of their respective parts in the marital conundrum, then a different
approach is in order.
"You both need to be in counseling, but not together," I suggested.
Getting one's own mental house
squared away can be a prerequisite to effective couples work, but, in
their haste to fix things, too many partners leapfrog over this step and
have at it. And even when counselors try to steer couples in this
direction, they often meet resistance from one or both. After all,
acknowledging the need to first change one's self is a tacit admission
that one is part of the problem. Some folks just aren't ready to accept
that.
"Unless you're both willing to
address your individual issues, you don't need a marriage counselor," I
suggested. "You need a referee."
Sometimes, before we can find the other person, first we need to find ourselves"
As often happens with this group, we stuck to this topic almost for the entire hour. There were various comments worth repeating here.
One problem with relationships is that they do change over time. This makes it very easy for a couple to lose each other. And the ego tends to push back against the other person. Some tricks can help keep this from happening such as a regular date night, or setting aside time for each other. And it may be that some couples are just not able to remain with each other. They have changed their goals too much.
Sharleen commented that one can predict by studying their language used with each other whether the couple will have a successful romantic relationship. I am not sure if this is what Sharleen meant, but I found this interesting link describing just such a study. It turns out that where the style of speech used between two people is similar, the couple seems to have more success. Here is the link:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/01/110125104141.htm
Paul often gives us a Buddhist perspective that is very helpful. He commented that one of the last things that people must give up before enlightenment is comparisons. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others and others to us. Then there becomes a competition. This is one of the hardest things to give up.
Meridith reminded us of the 12 steps used in the AA and other addictive medical counseling: One of the steps is to make amends. To accomplish this, one must stop bargaining about how much was your fault. Blame and responsibility are shared. One should own up to the 10% or the 20% or whatever amount of the disagreement comes from yourself. Own up to your piece of it. Leave the bargaining out. Virtually everyone can absolve themselves by some circuitous route. This is an ego defending process. It must be given up.
Paul gave an example of a couple who have exactly opposite politics. They can agree to disagree. They accept that they are different. Too often we want to change the other person. But it is actually liberating to be in a couple where the other is not going to change. You can give up trying to change the other.
One problem may be that civility has gone in a bad relationship. Our society in general has become much more uncivil and that standard is catching. The disappearance of civility has been very damaging to our relationships and to our society.
Part of the problem is that the institution of marriage and its various property relationships adds another level of challenge to marriages. And life changing events such as the death of a child, or loss of a job, or similar events over which we have no control can change a person in a relationship so that that relationship cannot recover.
Some thought that certain cultural characteristics such as a German rigid and perfectionist and non-demonstrative personality, or the passionate and too demonstrative Mediterranean personality also add challenges to getting along in a relationship.
Admiration may be a nugget, and a gem that if present between two people in a relationship can hold the two individuals together. If you adore the other person, you are more ready to accept differences. Ask yourself, what would you do without the other person to bring out these nuggets of admiration and adoration. Eric has seen in his end of life counseling and planning, that successful families at this stage of life are those who can accept conflict.
From a Buddhist perspective, the whole idea in dharma is just acceptance -- well not just acceptance but an actual joy in the other person. Celebrate the difference. Always understand that the other person has a good heart -- the vast majority of people want to do good for the world. Therefore we must have compassion for the other person and accept them and the situation with equanimity. As Thich Nhat Hanh said: "Turn garbage into flowers."
Of course, not all relationships are romantic and between couples. We have relationships with our family members, our fellow workers, our friends, our neighbors and most of these adages apply to them as well.
As the last word, your author decided to tell a story about a relationship that would end the hour with some humor. -- A woman was grocery shopping when she saw an elderly gentleman and young boy in her aisle. The young boy was acting out, begging for everything he saw, whining, and then throwing a tantrum if he didn't get what he wanted. The elderly gentleman, looking like the boy's grandfather seemed to be constantly speaking to the boy in a calm voice, soothing, and trying to help.
" OK, Tommie, just a little longer." More crying and screaming!
"Tommie, we just have to go down this aisle and then we can go to the check out counter. You can make it. I know you can."
OK, Tommie, just about done. We just have to pay for the food.'
The boy was still crying and begging and acting out.
"OK, Tommie, we made it. We just have to go to the car now. You are going to make it."
The woman was so impressed with how the man had dealt with this unruly child that she decided to follow them to their car.
" Sir, I followed you out because I wanted to tell you how I admire how you dealt with your little boy. You were so calm and so soothing and you dealt with a difficult situation admirably."
"Well, thank you for your kind words, ma'am," said the man. "But perhaps we should introduce ourselves to you. This wild little creature here is my grandson Kevin. And I am Tommie."
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
July 9, 2015: Summer Bake Off: Affirmations
The opening presentation at this week's Summer Bake Off was the following daily affirmation from "The Daily Word":
"Sacred Love
I am blessed by sacred relationships. From the day I was born, I have given and received love in sacred relationships. My parents cared fro me with tenderness and I responded with smiles. Now I see my loved ones through the eyes of God and generously return their affection. I find joy in the deep love we share.
I commit to maintaining healthy and happy relationships. I am present for special occasions. I listen attentively and accept my loved ones as they are. I release any perceived differences to the guidance of Spirit. My beloved and I grow as we support and encourage each other.
I thank God for the unique bonds in which I share my sacred qualities.
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with all of you -- 2 Corinthians 13:13
The Daily Word is a subscription of daily affirmations which can be obtained on line on the Internet, or one can download an app on their smartphone or on an Ipad. It cost $1.50/month.
What does this word, affirmation, mean? Of course there is a legal definition whereby a person makes a true statement or asserts that a statement is true. The word originates in the Latin affirmare, to assert. But another use of the word, affirmation, means a form of self-forced meditation or repetition, almost an autosuggestion. It is this use of the word that we are discussing regarding those various sites online, in print, and even on our smartphones where a few words of positivity can be repeated and meditated on to achieve some personal transformation. The Daily Word is an example of a Christian based subscription of such daily positive statements. There are many such sources of daily affirmations.
Louise Hay is a big afficianado of affirmations. She started life as a model but was dealt some life blows in her marriage and in her health. She then began to believe first in the healing ability of positive thinking and later even in the ability of positive thinking to create financial wealth. She has authored several New Thought self-help books and is the author of many affirmations which can be found attractively presented at this website:
http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/
Louise Hay later founded Hay Publishing which has published several books of Deepak Chopra and Dwayne Dyer, among other authors.
Such affirmation statements may be used as a mantra. They can just be a nice start to your day. But do they really work? And how helpful are they to people? After all affirmations are just words and words can be either good or bad. Repeating and concentrating on such affirmations certainly could have a positive effect. Certain kinds of affirmations could be more like an aspiration. For example, the prayer: "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace," really is more like an aspiration. One is saying what one would like to achieve or become. In addition, affirmations could become inspirations, and a vehicle for change. In some ways, affirmations may be more like programming. hopefully in a positive direction. Studies have shown that positive thinking and general optimism does boost the immune system. And positive thinking seems to produce calm and peaceful feelings. However, these types of affects are hard to measure scientifically.
In some cases affirmations may seem too positive. They may seem somewhat like a pollyanna. The presence of positive views in spite of the most adverse of life conditions can seem overbearing, or can seem naive, simplistic, or foolish. In this view, the positive thinking is not realistic nor believable. One would seem to have to believe in the affirmation for it to have some effect.
Psychology and science have looked at the use of affirmations to some degree. There is some controversy about their usefulness in this realm as well. It was reported in 2009 that a study had found positive affirmation to have a detrimental effect on those who need it the most, because people with low self-esteem will perceive the affirmation as so unbelievable that it strengthens their negative mindset. Those who already have high self-esteem feel slightly better, and those who don't will feel worse than if they had been allowed negative thoughts. When people with high self esteem use positive affirmation it acts as a buffer for constructive criticism that goes against the self-perception, and when people with low self-esteem use positive affirmation, it rings untrue and therefore brings to mind exactly how they are not successful, loved, etc. However, a 2014 article from Stanford University finds many positive results from the affirmation process. Here are links to these two articles.
.https://www.psychologicalscience.org/media/releases/2009/wood.cfm
https://ed.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/annurev-psych-psychology_of_change_final_e2.pdf
There may be some negatives to the use of affirmations. In Zen tradition, dividing things into the good and the bad is also a bad thing; it doesn't serve any purpose. The main idea is that there should be no judgement. But that is also ridiculous. We are humans and we can't take judgement out of it. With thinking, we have judgement. Non-judgement is impossible. Rather one should try to achieve mindfulness of judgement. It is important to know that we do have judgement and we need to be aware of it. This is what the Dali Lama is talking about when he suggesst and practices equanimity.
Equanimity means letting go, allowing for more acceptance. I accept my future the way it may work out. "I really do believe I can be an instrument of my peace." We are all able to conduct things for ourselves and we are aware of the options. We are telling ourselves our narrative and there is a choice.
"Sacred Love
I am blessed by sacred relationships. From the day I was born, I have given and received love in sacred relationships. My parents cared fro me with tenderness and I responded with smiles. Now I see my loved ones through the eyes of God and generously return their affection. I find joy in the deep love we share.
I commit to maintaining healthy and happy relationships. I am present for special occasions. I listen attentively and accept my loved ones as they are. I release any perceived differences to the guidance of Spirit. My beloved and I grow as we support and encourage each other.
I thank God for the unique bonds in which I share my sacred qualities.
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with all of you -- 2 Corinthians 13:13
The Daily Word is a subscription of daily affirmations which can be obtained on line on the Internet, or one can download an app on their smartphone or on an Ipad. It cost $1.50/month.
What does this word, affirmation, mean? Of course there is a legal definition whereby a person makes a true statement or asserts that a statement is true. The word originates in the Latin affirmare, to assert. But another use of the word, affirmation, means a form of self-forced meditation or repetition, almost an autosuggestion. It is this use of the word that we are discussing regarding those various sites online, in print, and even on our smartphones where a few words of positivity can be repeated and meditated on to achieve some personal transformation. The Daily Word is an example of a Christian based subscription of such daily positive statements. There are many such sources of daily affirmations.
Louise Hay is a big afficianado of affirmations. She started life as a model but was dealt some life blows in her marriage and in her health. She then began to believe first in the healing ability of positive thinking and later even in the ability of positive thinking to create financial wealth. She has authored several New Thought self-help books and is the author of many affirmations which can be found attractively presented at this website:
http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/
Louise Hay later founded Hay Publishing which has published several books of Deepak Chopra and Dwayne Dyer, among other authors.
Such affirmation statements may be used as a mantra. They can just be a nice start to your day. But do they really work? And how helpful are they to people? After all affirmations are just words and words can be either good or bad. Repeating and concentrating on such affirmations certainly could have a positive effect. Certain kinds of affirmations could be more like an aspiration. For example, the prayer: "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace," really is more like an aspiration. One is saying what one would like to achieve or become. In addition, affirmations could become inspirations, and a vehicle for change. In some ways, affirmations may be more like programming. hopefully in a positive direction. Studies have shown that positive thinking and general optimism does boost the immune system. And positive thinking seems to produce calm and peaceful feelings. However, these types of affects are hard to measure scientifically.
In some cases affirmations may seem too positive. They may seem somewhat like a pollyanna. The presence of positive views in spite of the most adverse of life conditions can seem overbearing, or can seem naive, simplistic, or foolish. In this view, the positive thinking is not realistic nor believable. One would seem to have to believe in the affirmation for it to have some effect.
Psychology and science have looked at the use of affirmations to some degree. There is some controversy about their usefulness in this realm as well. It was reported in 2009 that a study had found positive affirmation to have a detrimental effect on those who need it the most, because people with low self-esteem will perceive the affirmation as so unbelievable that it strengthens their negative mindset. Those who already have high self-esteem feel slightly better, and those who don't will feel worse than if they had been allowed negative thoughts. When people with high self esteem use positive affirmation it acts as a buffer for constructive criticism that goes against the self-perception, and when people with low self-esteem use positive affirmation, it rings untrue and therefore brings to mind exactly how they are not successful, loved, etc. However, a 2014 article from Stanford University finds many positive results from the affirmation process. Here are links to these two articles.
.https://www.psychologicalscience.org/media/releases/2009/wood.cfm
https://ed.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/annurev-psych-psychology_of_change_final_e2.pdf
There may be some negatives to the use of affirmations. In Zen tradition, dividing things into the good and the bad is also a bad thing; it doesn't serve any purpose. The main idea is that there should be no judgement. But that is also ridiculous. We are humans and we can't take judgement out of it. With thinking, we have judgement. Non-judgement is impossible. Rather one should try to achieve mindfulness of judgement. It is important to know that we do have judgement and we need to be aware of it. This is what the Dali Lama is talking about when he suggesst and practices equanimity.
Equanimity means letting go, allowing for more acceptance. I accept my future the way it may work out. "I really do believe I can be an instrument of my peace." We are all able to conduct things for ourselves and we are aware of the options. We are telling ourselves our narrative and there is a choice.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Tentative Schedule for Summer 2015
In the summer we traditionally make things a little less rigorous and scheduled. We mostly have Bake Offs. Again to explain to the unfamiliar member, Bake Offs have nothing to do with cuisine. Instead, at our spiritual meetings, after the traditional half hour of meditation, members take turns or perhaps strongly lobby to present short spiritual pieces they have brought along that have moved them, or that they feel will promote a good discussion in the area of spirituality. Then our very intellectual and well read group adds ingredients (comments and quotes), stirs (the group cogitates and adds whatever mixing that seems required), and the spiritual dish is baked and we all see what we came up with. Members can bring one or two pieces that they might like to share. However, there is no guarantee that they will get their piece presented. If they don't, they wait for another day. If discussions become interesting and members are leaning forward, sitting on the edge of their chair and engaged in the discussion, the moderator will not stop the discussion. But as the moderator, I am watching for a flagging of interest. If people retreat and there seems to be little non repetitive statements to add to our Bake Off dish, we move on to another presenter sometimes totally changing the topic of discussion. Sometimes these meetings don't work so well, and other times -- actually in this group most times, we produce some very energetic participatory discussion. Recently non members of our group and perhaps members of the Mindfulness Center sangha have come in and stood in the back of the room toward the end of our meeting. They have commented that they seldom have seen such an energetic group. I think this kind of meeting and the kind of group that produces it is very special and we must do everything we can to preserve this atmosphere.
Tentative Schedule for July and August, 2015. (subject to change).
July 9, 2015: Summer Bake Off
July 16, 2015: Summer Bake Off
July 23, 2015: Guess what -- Top Secret meeting, Bake Off.
July 30, 2015: The Guenther Pohlmann - Todd Davison Society Meeting. An explanation. Two of our founding members, and leaders have left us. The group preserves the 5th Thursday of any month that has a 5th Thursday to honor these two gentlemen by presenting either some of their writing, some of their artistic loves, such as photos, or music, or the group just shares memories related to the lives of these two very intelligent and spiritual leaders. We are fortunate to have Gunther's daughter and sometimes his wife and his grandson as well as Todd's wife in attendance at these Society meetings. They are often able to supply some pertinent material. Thanx to all of them.
On this occasion, Su will not be present, so Heidi will talk about something to do with Dr. Guenther Pohlmann and anyone else can join in.
August 6, 2015: Regularly scheduled Bake Off. (It is the same format as described above.)
August 13, 2015: Summer Bake Off But this date Heidi will lead a book discussion group of the book "The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared ", a novel by Jonas Jonasson. If you are looking for a summer read, this one would be a good one. It has to do with aging, nursing homes, and how our society deals with our old people. If you don't have time to read the whole book by Aug 6, even the first 100 pages would contribute to a discussion. You could then complete the book later. You can try to look in the library systems, or check amazon.com. Often they will send a used copy quite quickly. Heidi has a very limited window for leading this discussion, hence the speedy scheduling. For those of you who are confused about the schedule, we did originally schedule the book discussion for August 6th, but since this give us more time to read the book, and Heidi is able to lead the discussion, August 13 will be the book discussion on "The 100 Year Old Man..."
August 20, 2015: Summer Bake Off
August 27, 2015: Board of Directors Meeting. The title of this meeting is a misnomer, because there is no real Board of Directors. However, every now and then when the need arises, the entire group meets to discuss future topics for presentation and recruits presenters for these topics. Also sometimes discussions are held about logistics, procedures and how we conduct our meetings. In the past some of these discussions have taken time from our regular hour presentations. Therefore if at all possible we will try to keep discussions of changes in format, changes in procedures, and future presentation ideas to the Board of Directors' Meeting. This will keep intrusions into the hour of our regular meetings to a minimum.
September 3, 2015: Regular monthly Bake Off.
September 10, 2015: Resumption of Regular Scheduled Presentations. Topic To Be Announced.
Now after having spelled out this obviously very complex schedule with its explanations, as your moderator and author of this blog, let me say that nothing is set in concrete. If anyone has a presentation that they would like to insert into one of these Bake Offs, just let me know. The summer is characterized by flexibility.
Tentative Schedule for July and August, 2015. (subject to change).
July 9, 2015: Summer Bake Off
July 16, 2015: Summer Bake Off
July 23, 2015: Guess what -- Top Secret meeting, Bake Off.
July 30, 2015: The Guenther Pohlmann - Todd Davison Society Meeting. An explanation. Two of our founding members, and leaders have left us. The group preserves the 5th Thursday of any month that has a 5th Thursday to honor these two gentlemen by presenting either some of their writing, some of their artistic loves, such as photos, or music, or the group just shares memories related to the lives of these two very intelligent and spiritual leaders. We are fortunate to have Gunther's daughter and sometimes his wife and his grandson as well as Todd's wife in attendance at these Society meetings. They are often able to supply some pertinent material. Thanx to all of them.
On this occasion, Su will not be present, so Heidi will talk about something to do with Dr. Guenther Pohlmann and anyone else can join in.
August 6, 2015: Regularly scheduled Bake Off. (It is the same format as described above.)
August 13, 2015: Summer Bake Off But this date Heidi will lead a book discussion group of the book "The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared ", a novel by Jonas Jonasson. If you are looking for a summer read, this one would be a good one. It has to do with aging, nursing homes, and how our society deals with our old people. If you don't have time to read the whole book by Aug 6, even the first 100 pages would contribute to a discussion. You could then complete the book later. You can try to look in the library systems, or check amazon.com. Often they will send a used copy quite quickly. Heidi has a very limited window for leading this discussion, hence the speedy scheduling. For those of you who are confused about the schedule, we did originally schedule the book discussion for August 6th, but since this give us more time to read the book, and Heidi is able to lead the discussion, August 13 will be the book discussion on "The 100 Year Old Man..."
August 20, 2015: Summer Bake Off
August 27, 2015: Board of Directors Meeting. The title of this meeting is a misnomer, because there is no real Board of Directors. However, every now and then when the need arises, the entire group meets to discuss future topics for presentation and recruits presenters for these topics. Also sometimes discussions are held about logistics, procedures and how we conduct our meetings. In the past some of these discussions have taken time from our regular hour presentations. Therefore if at all possible we will try to keep discussions of changes in format, changes in procedures, and future presentation ideas to the Board of Directors' Meeting. This will keep intrusions into the hour of our regular meetings to a minimum.
September 3, 2015: Regular monthly Bake Off.
September 10, 2015: Resumption of Regular Scheduled Presentations. Topic To Be Announced.
Now after having spelled out this obviously very complex schedule with its explanations, as your moderator and author of this blog, let me say that nothing is set in concrete. If anyone has a presentation that they would like to insert into one of these Bake Offs, just let me know. The summer is characterized by flexibility.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
June 4, 2015: Bake Off
The author was unable to attend this Bake Off. If anyone in the group has any references, quotes or other ideas about what was discussed at the Bake Off, that they would like to share with the group. Please email me or post a comment on this blog.
http://www.motivationalinterview.net/clinical/whatismi.htmlhttp://www.motivationalinterview.net/clinical/whatismi.html
http://www.motivationalinterview.net/clinical/whatismi.htmlhttp://www.motivationalinterview.net/clinical/whatismi.html
July 2, 2015: Bake Off: Book discussion, Syncretism, and Emotions.
There are several nuggets from this Bake Off that I will briefly summarize here:
Heidi proposed a one time book discussion group which could be conducted either at her home, or at the Mindfulness Center. She would like to do it on August 6, but there is concern that a significant number of members of the group would not be able to get the book read by that time. The book is entitled "The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson. Apparently it has recently been in town as a movie but is not currently. One member of the group has started the book and feels at least the early part of the book which he has read presents some rather deep considerations of aging and our society's handling of this time of life. Heidi will collect some responses to see how many would be interested in doing this on a Thursday morning or whether it should be a separate time with only those interested in getting the book read by early August. We will vote on this on July 9, 2015.
There was a comment on memory since some of our more recent discussion have centered on that topic. Studies have suggested that people who exercise have less Alzheimer's disease. But this may not be cause and effect but rather a selection bias. Those who exercise may have other lifestyle characteristics that contribute to a reduction of that disease. Certainly walking releases stress and clears the mind -- that has been shown in studies. Sleep also seals in learning and memory and it has been shown that those who exercise also practice other good habits such as 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Diet may also play a role.
Sky announced that Meridith has recently come back from a Brazil trip and will be making another lengthy trip there in a couple months. Meridith explained that there will be a blog which will show some of the work that he will be doing there. That blog site has been emailed to you all by Sharleen. The blog will likely have three parts: 1) A section will consider syncretism of African spiritual and ritualistic practices with Brazilian Catholicism .2)There will be two videos of 2 different baptisms which are unusual Brazilian practices. 3) The third part explains and deals with dancing, drumming, and celebrations in a context of the spiritual.
Some members of the group indicated some question about the word syncretism. The definition of this word is usually stated as follows: the combining of different, often contradictory philosophies or religions. It is the reconciliation or fusion of differing systems of belief, as in philosophy or religion, especially when success is partial or the result is heterogeneous. Examples of syncretism have occurred throughout history and throughout the world cultures and religions. One of the most well known examples to us is Halloween which contains both Christian and pagan components. Often syncretism occurred when a people was conquered and the conquerors blended sacred days and practices from the indigenous population's religion with that of the conquerors, partially to encourage the practice of the conquering religion. This often occurred with variable degrees of success and trust.
I refer you to the Wikipedia article on syncretism at the following link. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syncretism You will be surprised at the number of historical and even modern syncretic belief systems which we are somewhat familiar with eg. Ba'Hai, Unitarian Universalism, , the Druze, some forms of Sufism, the Native American Church, and even the Theosophical Society may be classed in this group. Meridith has been studying particularly the syncretism that occurs in Brazil called Candomble, Vodou and others where Yoruba and other African deities are analogized to the Roman Catholic saints. Usually in those practices Meridith studies, it is St. John who is analogized. There is even a church in Milwaukee, called "Our Lord of the Good End" in which Jesus is analogized with Oshala, an African deity. They conduct a mass to Oshala. This is carefully not called fetishism. But usually the analogy is with Saint John.
One member of the group wondered about the image we all know of Moses coming down from Mount Sinai and finding the golden bull that was constructed by his people in his absence. Interestingly, in application in Brazil, the ox is the symbol of St. Lucas and also a symbol of aspirations of the priesthood. There is Juno the bull, but rather the ox ground all the sugar cane in South America so he stood for endurance. And he was the ally of the slave.
Sharleen wished to share her enjoyment of and to recommend the movie "In and Out" which is an animated film with various characters representing several emotions. These characters live in and run the brain of a child by the name of Riley. It appears that the character Sadness really runs the show. One member requested that at some time we might do a meeting considering and grouping or categorizing the various emotions. Someone commented that many times there are too many names, and too many concepts for the various emotions. Sometimes simplification is helpful in understanding what we are feeling. In therapy, often these complex emotions are summarized into just a few: such as mad, sad, glad, afraid, or hurt.
One member asked if the group could come up with one word to help eliminate general anxiety. The group came up with three words actually: community, and a slower pace. It is important to find connections, there is no doubt. But there is concern that media and contacts only online are destroying community. Though millenniums (those from this time period) do often seem to gain connection from social media and phone texting, there is just a question about the quality of these connections. We do not know if they really work as well as human contact.
Some words about the emotion of fear: Fear is never rooted in the moment. It has to do with things that happened when we were in the flight or fight mode. It is not about reality, what is here and now. Rather it is about things that are old but are in your head still. It helps to label them as such. Meditation can help. Associating with happy people can help. Even just to smile has a neurochemical impact. Thich Nhat Hanh has always said this: Just smile.
Heidi proposed a one time book discussion group which could be conducted either at her home, or at the Mindfulness Center. She would like to do it on August 6, but there is concern that a significant number of members of the group would not be able to get the book read by that time. The book is entitled "The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson. Apparently it has recently been in town as a movie but is not currently. One member of the group has started the book and feels at least the early part of the book which he has read presents some rather deep considerations of aging and our society's handling of this time of life. Heidi will collect some responses to see how many would be interested in doing this on a Thursday morning or whether it should be a separate time with only those interested in getting the book read by early August. We will vote on this on July 9, 2015.
There was a comment on memory since some of our more recent discussion have centered on that topic. Studies have suggested that people who exercise have less Alzheimer's disease. But this may not be cause and effect but rather a selection bias. Those who exercise may have other lifestyle characteristics that contribute to a reduction of that disease. Certainly walking releases stress and clears the mind -- that has been shown in studies. Sleep also seals in learning and memory and it has been shown that those who exercise also practice other good habits such as 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Diet may also play a role.
Sky announced that Meridith has recently come back from a Brazil trip and will be making another lengthy trip there in a couple months. Meridith explained that there will be a blog which will show some of the work that he will be doing there. That blog site has been emailed to you all by Sharleen. The blog will likely have three parts: 1) A section will consider syncretism of African spiritual and ritualistic practices with Brazilian Catholicism .2)There will be two videos of 2 different baptisms which are unusual Brazilian practices. 3) The third part explains and deals with dancing, drumming, and celebrations in a context of the spiritual.
Some members of the group indicated some question about the word syncretism. The definition of this word is usually stated as follows: the combining of different, often contradictory philosophies or religions. It is the reconciliation or fusion of differing systems of belief, as in philosophy or religion, especially when success is partial or the result is heterogeneous. Examples of syncretism have occurred throughout history and throughout the world cultures and religions. One of the most well known examples to us is Halloween which contains both Christian and pagan components. Often syncretism occurred when a people was conquered and the conquerors blended sacred days and practices from the indigenous population's religion with that of the conquerors, partially to encourage the practice of the conquering religion. This often occurred with variable degrees of success and trust.
I refer you to the Wikipedia article on syncretism at the following link. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syncretism You will be surprised at the number of historical and even modern syncretic belief systems which we are somewhat familiar with eg. Ba'Hai, Unitarian Universalism, , the Druze, some forms of Sufism, the Native American Church, and even the Theosophical Society may be classed in this group. Meridith has been studying particularly the syncretism that occurs in Brazil called Candomble, Vodou and others where Yoruba and other African deities are analogized to the Roman Catholic saints. Usually in those practices Meridith studies, it is St. John who is analogized. There is even a church in Milwaukee, called "Our Lord of the Good End" in which Jesus is analogized with Oshala, an African deity. They conduct a mass to Oshala. This is carefully not called fetishism. But usually the analogy is with Saint John.
One member of the group wondered about the image we all know of Moses coming down from Mount Sinai and finding the golden bull that was constructed by his people in his absence. Interestingly, in application in Brazil, the ox is the symbol of St. Lucas and also a symbol of aspirations of the priesthood. There is Juno the bull, but rather the ox ground all the sugar cane in South America so he stood for endurance. And he was the ally of the slave.
Sharleen wished to share her enjoyment of and to recommend the movie "In and Out" which is an animated film with various characters representing several emotions. These characters live in and run the brain of a child by the name of Riley. It appears that the character Sadness really runs the show. One member requested that at some time we might do a meeting considering and grouping or categorizing the various emotions. Someone commented that many times there are too many names, and too many concepts for the various emotions. Sometimes simplification is helpful in understanding what we are feeling. In therapy, often these complex emotions are summarized into just a few: such as mad, sad, glad, afraid, or hurt.
One member asked if the group could come up with one word to help eliminate general anxiety. The group came up with three words actually: community, and a slower pace. It is important to find connections, there is no doubt. But there is concern that media and contacts only online are destroying community. Though millenniums (those from this time period) do often seem to gain connection from social media and phone texting, there is just a question about the quality of these connections. We do not know if they really work as well as human contact.
Some words about the emotion of fear: Fear is never rooted in the moment. It has to do with things that happened when we were in the flight or fight mode. It is not about reality, what is here and now. Rather it is about things that are old but are in your head still. It helps to label them as such. Meditation can help. Associating with happy people can help. Even just to smile has a neurochemical impact. Thich Nhat Hanh has always said this: Just smile.
June 11, 2015: The Seven Sins of Memory by Paul N.
Paul N. gave us the first part of a two week presentation on the Seven Sins of Memory, based on a book by the same name, by Daniel Schacter, PhD, longtime memory researcher and chair of Harvard University's psychology department. Here is a link to a very brief synopsis of these seven sins. The first three are "sins of omission" that involve forgetting, and the last four are "sins of commission" that involve distorted or unwanted recollections.
http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct03/sins.aspx
As his introduction Paul read a poem by Billy Collins, poet laureate under Bill Clinton. I didn't write down the name of the poem, but I think it might have been this one.
And here is another one of Billy Collins poems which also has to do with memory. I was not familiar with this poet, but I agree with Paul, these are very nice and lead to a few deep thoughts about memory.
http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct03/sins.aspx
As his introduction Paul read a poem by Billy Collins, poet laureate under Bill Clinton. I didn't write down the name of the poem, but I think it might have been this one.
Forgetfulness
The name of the author is the first to go
followed obediently by the title, the plot,
the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel
which suddenly becomes one you have never read, never even heard of,
as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
to a little fishing village where there are no phones.
Long ago you kissed the names of the nine muses goodbye
and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,
something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.
Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
it is not poised on the tip of your tongue
or even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.
It has floated away down a dark mythological river
whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall
well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.
No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.
And here is another one of Billy Collins poems which also has to do with memory. I was not familiar with this poet, but I agree with Paul, these are very nice and lead to a few deep thoughts about memory.
THIS MUCH I DO REMEMBER
by Billy Collins
It was after dinner.
You were talking to me across the table
about something or other,
a greyhound you had seen that day
or a song you liked,
and I was looking past you
over your bare shoulder
at the three oranges lying
on the kitchen counter
next to the small electric bean grinder,
which was also orange,
and the orange and white cruets for vinegar and oil.
Allof which converged
into a random still life,
so fastened together by the hasp of color,
and so fixed behind the animated
foreground of your
talking and smiling,
gesturing and pouring wine,
and the camber of you shoulders
that I could feel it being painted within me,
brushed on the wall of my skull,
while the tone of your voice
lifted and fell in its flight,
and the three oranges
remained fixed on the counter
the way that stars are said
to be fixed in the universe.
Then all of the moments of the past
began to line up behind that moment
and all of the moments to come
assembled in front of it in a long row,
giving me reason to believe
that this was a moment I had rescued
from millions that rush out of sight
into a darkness behind the eyes.
Even after I have forgotten what year it is,
my middle name,
and the meaning of money,
I will still carry in my pocket
the small coin of that moment,
minted in the kingdom
that we pace through every day.
by Billy Collins
It was after dinner.
You were talking to me across the table
about something or other,
a greyhound you had seen that day
or a song you liked,
and I was looking past you
over your bare shoulder
at the three oranges lying
on the kitchen counter
next to the small electric bean grinder,
which was also orange,
and the orange and white cruets for vinegar and oil.
Allof which converged
into a random still life,
so fastened together by the hasp of color,
and so fixed behind the animated
foreground of your
talking and smiling,
gesturing and pouring wine,
and the camber of you shoulders
that I could feel it being painted within me,
brushed on the wall of my skull,
while the tone of your voice
lifted and fell in its flight,
and the three oranges
remained fixed on the counter
the way that stars are said
to be fixed in the universe.
Then all of the moments of the past
began to line up behind that moment
and all of the moments to come
assembled in front of it in a long row,
giving me reason to believe
that this was a moment I had rescued
from millions that rush out of sight
into a darkness behind the eyes.
Even after I have forgotten what year it is,
my middle name,
and the meaning of money,
I will still carry in my pocket
the small coin of that moment,
minted in the kingdom
that we pace through every day.
May 28, 2015: "The Science of Connectivity" presented by Sharleen.
The topic for this meeting of our SpiritMindBody Group was on various medical studies that have found the connection between people to have varying positive and negative affects on those person's health. A fair amount of science has been accumulated to both prove such relationships and to explain some mechanisms for why this could occur. Sharleen has forwarded to us a 16 page article written by Dr. Mimi Guaneri, who is somewhat of a rare physician type. She is a cardiologist and a doctor of Integrative Medicine. Integrative Medicine includes a long list of alternative medicine practices such as chiropractic, holistic medicine, etc etc. Check you email for a copy of this article which includes many many references as well as a nice overview of Connectivity between people in the practice of medicine as well as in other "helping" professions.
At the following youtube site, Dr Guaneria is giving a 16 minute lecture on this topic which contains many of the concepts written about in the article. I am sure that the group discussed some of these concepts at this meeting. Since I was unable to attend, I will not have any group quotes here. But this lecture might help anyone who also missed that meeting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqX-jr-LyL4
At the following youtube site, Dr Guaneria is giving a 16 minute lecture on this topic which contains many of the concepts written about in the article. I am sure that the group discussed some of these concepts at this meeting. Since I was unable to attend, I will not have any group quotes here. But this lecture might help anyone who also missed that meeting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqX-jr-LyL4
May 21, 2015: Gary S:"A Change of Heart."
This week we are fortunate to have Gary S. present a review of a book which he found quite stimulating. "A Change of Heart, A Memoir" by Sylvia and Novak portrays many anecdotes, comments, narratives, and the study by the author of the effects of particularly a heart transplant on the behavior of the recipient. Gary provided us with a very nice summary of this book. It is an easy read and some of the experiences are quite astounding. Of course, at this point the field of medicine purports no exact understanding to explaain many of these anecdotes and experiences.
Here is a link to a very nice summary of this book: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syncretism
After some discussion, Gary proceeded to explain these behavior changes as an energy phenomenon. He also feels that possibly there is an explanation in the theory of information spaces in our universe which would help us know why a heart transplant patient who always ate extraordinarily healthily would recover from his transplant only to find that he had an irresistible hunger for chicken McNuggets. Indeed, uneaten chicken McNuggets were found in the donor's pocket after an auto accident.
Check this site in the near future for an update of our discussion.
Here is a link to a very nice summary of this book: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syncretism
After some discussion, Gary proceeded to explain these behavior changes as an energy phenomenon. He also feels that possibly there is an explanation in the theory of information spaces in our universe which would help us know why a heart transplant patient who always ate extraordinarily healthily would recover from his transplant only to find that he had an irresistible hunger for chicken McNuggets. Indeed, uneaten chicken McNuggets were found in the donor's pocket after an auto accident.
Check this site in the near future for an update of our discussion.
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