Todd and Sue's ceremony and spoken vows were preceeded by the following chant:
For most of history it was inconceivable that people would choose their mates on the basis of something as fragile and irrational as love. Many historians, sociologists, and antropologists used to think that romatic love was a recent Western invention. This is not true. People have always fallen in love, but only rarely in history does love seem to be the primary reason for marriage. At a time when banks and laws and government were tremendously unstable, at best, marriage became the single most important business arrangement most people would make. In some cultures and time, true love was actually thought to be incompatible with marriage. Many of these cultures still disapprove of placing love at the center of marriage.
Catholic and Protestant theologians have argued at different times through the centuries, that those husbands and wives who loved each other too much were committing the sin of idolatry. In ancient India, falling in love before marriage was seen as a disruptive, nearly anticocial act. The Greeks thought lovesickness was a type of insanity. During the Middle Ages, the French defined love as a "derangement of the mind" to be cured by intercourse, either with the loved one or with a different partner. AHH the French!!!
All across the Western world, in the centuries following Christ's death, couples have sealed their unions in various improvisational styles...blending together Jewish, Greek, Roman, and Franco-Germanic matrimonial influences; then registering themselves in village or city documents as being "married." As individual civilizations matured, and periods of history were under the rule of different leaders, marriage evolved.
Ancient civilization was a nomadic matriarchal society... "Mother Nature", "Mother Earth" ...Women were revered, as it was thought they were magic...solely able to conceive a child, give birth and nourish a child. Man-woman relationships were loosely formed without commitment. The understanding of conception was nonexistent.
9,000-10,000 BCE the ancients learned to plant seeds and became an agricultural society. Father Sky (rain) fertilized Mother Earth (fertile ground), and she bore crops to sustain her people. Hierogamy, the sacred marriage of Father Sky and Mother Earth was a yearly ritualistic ceremony. Superhuman gods and goddesses were worshipped, thought to be the source of life and fertility. The theory of conception was understood, and the patriarchal society emerged.
Some historians believe that the first marriage laws were made by the ancient Egyptians. In 36BCE the famous marriage of Antony and Cleopatra took place in an Egyptian ceremony in Antioch.
In ancient Greece love was honored -- especially between men, but in marriage inheritance was more important than feelings.
The Old Testament of the Bible makes no mention of a formal exchange of marriage vows, although the term marriage is found.
17 BCE-AD476 : Roman Empire lower classes (who later became known as the Chritians) entered into "free marriage."
St. Paul wrote in Ephesians 5 comparing the relationship of a husband and wife to that of Christ and the church. He begged Chritians to restrain themselves, to live solitary sexless lives, on earth as in heaven. "BUT, if they cannot contain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn."
AD527-565 A Justinian Code of Laws was written to regulate daily life and the formality of marriage. A couple could no longer just say that they were married.
Prior to AD800 the church had no involvement in marriage.
AD866 Pope Nicholas I declared that couples must consent to marriage.
Prior to the 12th century there were blessings and prayers during the marriage ceremony. The couple offered their own prayers. Priests would ask for a commitment to be made in their presence.
1100's: Troubadours thought of courtly love (romance). Religion was added to marriage ceemonies.
1215 Weddings became a religious event. The church instituted edicts declaring what would henceforth constitute a legitimate marriage. However, the church only blessed the marriage and did not require legal commitment. Pope Innocent III forbade divorce under any circumstances...except in cases of church-sanctioned annulments, which were often used as tools of empire building or empire busting.
14th century Europe: Peasants wishing to pick a partner were required to pay a fee to marry.
1563: The Council of Trent required Catholic marriages be celebrated in the presence of a priest and at least 2 witnesses. During the 16th cnetury the French essayist Montaigne wrote that "any man in love with his wife must be so dull that no one else could love him."
1690's US: Protestant ministers warn spouses against using enduring nicknames that will undermine a husband's authority.
18th century Europe: Ladies debating societies declare that while loveless marriages are regrettable, women must consider money when choosing a partner.
1840 England: Queen Victoria starts a trend by wearing white instead of the traditional jeweled wedding gown.
1920's US: Dating becomes a new craze.
1950's US: Marriage becomes almost "mandatory." Those who choose to remain single are viewed as "sick,' "neurotic," or "immoral."
Today: In most modern cultures, people regard marriage as the ultimate expression of love. This has led gays and lesbians to seek the right to marry. This concept also has encouraged couples to cohabit until they're sure about their "soulmate," while examining questions of compatibility, infatuation, fidelity, family tradion, social expectations, divorce risks, and humbling responsibilities.
Resources:
The Bible
Karen Offen, A Brief History of Marriage ...International Museum of Women
Stephanie Coontz, Marriage: A History
Elizabeth Guilbert, Committed
John Michael Perry, Ph.D., Cardinal Stritch University
Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., If the Buddha Married.
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