On this date, Sharleen continued with Part II of the Virtues Project. She talked about the 5th Strategy, called Companioning.
Quoted from the website: The VirtuesProject.
One of the greatest gifts we have to give is our presence -- our compassionate, attentive listening. It is a form of sacred curiosity. By being deeply present and listening with both compassion and detachment, we help others to empty their cup.
The counseling approach empowers others to discern teachable moments and to reflect on their virtues. It supports moral choice, intimacy in relationships, and peaceful conflict resolution. When we companion, we never ask "shy?" We use open-ended cup emptying questions starting with "What" and "How". We always end with a Virtues Acknowledgement which helps to restore someone who has been vulnerable enough to share openly. Companioning is a powerful tool for healing grief, anger, and trauma.
In more detail:
Companioning is a communication skill that: Requires Deep Listening.
Is Most Effective When We don't Have an "Agenda"
Is Meant to Support and Empower, Not Fix or Rescue
Primarily Consists of Silence and Open-Ended Questions
Requires Trust in the Other's Process
Open the Door... with open ended questions: What's happening? What is it" What are those tears?"
Offer Receptive Silence ... Give them the space to speak fully, to tell the whole story. Be fully present with deep concentration and compassionate curiosity. Shield yourself with detachment, so you can walk intimately with them without taking on their feelings.
Ask Cup-Emptying Questions...... Follow their lead and ask questions that allow them to empty their cup and get to the heart of the matter: Use what and how questions, not why or which. "How was that for you?" Take your cues from their words: Speaker: "I,m really worried."
Listener: "What worries you?"
Speaker:"I'm just not sure."
Listener: either remain silent or ask, "What are you unsure of?"
Focus on Sensory Clues..... Concentrate on and even repeat words they use that involve seeing, hearing, feeling, sensing.
Speaker: "it was the most beautiful sunset I ever saw."
Listener: "Beautiful...
Speaker holds arms over stomach.
"What are you holding?"
"What is happening in your stomach?"
Speaker is yelling, "this place is so stupid?"
Match their volume. "What's stupid about this place?"
Speaker is crying: "What are those tears?"
Ask Virtues Reflection Questions
When they seem to have gotten to the heart of the matter or the core issue, ask a question that helps them to reflect on a virtue that will help them. About something that is frightening. "What would give you the courage to...?" or "What would give you peace about this?"
Ask Closure and Integration Questions
"What was helpful about talking?"
"What's clearer to you now?"
"What did you appreciate about this meeting?"
Give a Virtues Acknowledgement
This is an essential step in restoring the speaker even if your companioning was brief and did not include all these steps.
"I appreciate your openness to explore this."
"I see your loyalty to your family."
"I honor you for your courage to face this."
Quoted from the website: The VirtuesProject.
One of the greatest gifts we have to give is our presence -- our compassionate, attentive listening. It is a form of sacred curiosity. By being deeply present and listening with both compassion and detachment, we help others to empty their cup.
The counseling approach empowers others to discern teachable moments and to reflect on their virtues. It supports moral choice, intimacy in relationships, and peaceful conflict resolution. When we companion, we never ask "shy?" We use open-ended cup emptying questions starting with "What" and "How". We always end with a Virtues Acknowledgement which helps to restore someone who has been vulnerable enough to share openly. Companioning is a powerful tool for healing grief, anger, and trauma.
In more detail:
Companioning is a communication skill that: Requires Deep Listening.
Is Most Effective When We don't Have an "Agenda"
Is Meant to Support and Empower, Not Fix or Rescue
Primarily Consists of Silence and Open-Ended Questions
Requires Trust in the Other's Process
Open the Door... with open ended questions: What's happening? What is it" What are those tears?"
Offer Receptive Silence ... Give them the space to speak fully, to tell the whole story. Be fully present with deep concentration and compassionate curiosity. Shield yourself with detachment, so you can walk intimately with them without taking on their feelings.
Ask Cup-Emptying Questions...... Follow their lead and ask questions that allow them to empty their cup and get to the heart of the matter: Use what and how questions, not why or which. "How was that for you?" Take your cues from their words: Speaker: "I,m really worried."
Listener: "What worries you?"
Speaker:"I'm just not sure."
Listener: either remain silent or ask, "What are you unsure of?"
Focus on Sensory Clues..... Concentrate on and even repeat words they use that involve seeing, hearing, feeling, sensing.
Speaker: "it was the most beautiful sunset I ever saw."
Listener: "Beautiful...
Speaker holds arms over stomach.
"What are you holding?"
"What is happening in your stomach?"
Speaker is yelling, "this place is so stupid?"
Match their volume. "What's stupid about this place?"
Speaker is crying: "What are those tears?"
Ask Virtues Reflection Questions
When they seem to have gotten to the heart of the matter or the core issue, ask a question that helps them to reflect on a virtue that will help them. About something that is frightening. "What would give you the courage to...?" or "What would give you peace about this?"
Ask Closure and Integration Questions
"What was helpful about talking?"
"What's clearer to you now?"
"What did you appreciate about this meeting?"
Give a Virtues Acknowledgement
This is an essential step in restoring the speaker even if your companioning was brief and did not include all these steps.
"I appreciate your openness to explore this."
"I see your loyalty to your family."
"I honor you for your courage to face this."
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