Here is the article that Sue presented. Gregory Ramey, PhD, is the vice president for outpatient services and child psychologist at Dayton Children's. Dr. Ramey writes FamilyWise, a weekly parenting column in the Dayton Daily News that is distributed through the New York Times wire service. Here is his newsletter posting for
Happy People Enjoy an Upbeat Approach to Living
I really enjoyed watching Will Smith portray a determined dad in the “Pursuit of Happyness.” Based upon the real life story of Chris Gardner, Smith’s character goes to extraordinary lengths to improve himself financially while remaining dedicated to caring for his 5-year-old son as a single dad.
The title of the movie was based upon the misspelling of a sign outside the young child’s day care center. Can we intentionally pursue happiness, or is it the result of our genetics or life’s events?
I was intrigued by the research of psychologists such as Dr. Nancy Sin and Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky who have spent years trying to answer a very simple question — can people truly influence how happy they feel?
Lyubomirsky concluded that about 50 percent of happiness is determined genetically and 10 percent by life’s events. However, that means that 40 percent of how we feel is determined by how we act.
Sin and Lyubomirksy analyzed 51 scientific studies designed to help people increase their happiness and concluded that several strategies are effective.
Replay positive experiences
Our mind is not the passive receptacle of our experiences. We tend to remember certain events while ignoring or forgetting others. The practice of actively remembering and celebrating good events makes us happier people. People do this by keeping a journal, talking about positive things with friends or celebrating even minor achievements.
A friend told me something she did in her family, and I’ve used her idea for over 20 years with my wife and children. When we sit down for dinner, we hold hands and say one good thing that happened to us that day. It is a great way to set the tone at the dinner table, while encouraging us to acknowledge that every day brings us special gifts.
Accept what cannot be changed
Happy people have that special ability to distinguish those things that they cannot control from events they can influence. They accept the former and act on the latter.
Stay connected with friends
Happiness is more likely to come from people and experiences rather than things. Happy people make it a high priority to work at relationships. They help other people, remember birthdays, write notes, share feelings and stay connected with family and friends.
Practice positive thinking
Abraham Lincoln remarked that “people are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happy people think positive thoughts, and act as if they can make a difference. They tend to attract other people with their upbeat approach to life.
Keep track of good events
We all experience myriad emotions every day, but some people are more likely to focus on problem situations rather than positive events. Happy people pay attention and celebrate good things in their lives.
You could always go see a therapist to learn how to apply these principles in your own family, but they really aren’t very complicated, are they? They all start with a decision you can make right now — a decision to live a happier life.
[Reprinted by permission from the March 26, 2010, edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Happy People Enjoy an Upbeat Approach to Living”, Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PhD.]
Trained at Duke University in social psychology (Ph. D., 1963), Dr. Keith E. Davis was a member of Edward E. Jones’s laboratory that made the initial development of attribution theory. Subsequently he taught at Princeton, the University of Colorado, Boulder, and Rutgers University before coming to the University of South Carolina. At USC, he served as Department Chair, Interim Dean and University Provost before returning to full-time faculty position in 1979.
NEXT, a piece by Keith E. Davis, Phd, from the University of South Carolina.
His research has focused on the development of intimate relationships (friendship and love), social support and health, and relationship violence including stalking. He has published over 110 articles and book chapters and co-edited 6 (% in the Advances in Descriptive Psychology series. books. Some of his publications and his measure of the characteristics of friendship and love relationships (the RRF) have been translated into all the major European languages, Chinese, and Japanese. His work on attachment theory helped to establish it as one of the primary theories of adult romantic relationships. As a result of his contact with Peter G. Ossorio at Colorado, he has been active as an author and editor in promoting a constructivist view of psychology as a behavioral science through the development of Descriptive Psychology. He has served as the co-editor of Advances in Descriptive Psychology, associate editor of Personal Relationships, executive editor of Journal of Social Psychology, and on the editorial boards of the Journal of Social & Personal Relations, , and Violence & Victims, and reviewed articles for all the major US social and personality journals. He has also served as a grant reviewer for The Canada Council, The Netherlands Organisation for Scientific Research (NWO), Social Sciences, NSF, NICHHD, & NIMH.
He had a brief article published in Psychology today, February, 1985
The Fabric of Friendship
The original profile of friendship we developed included these essential characteristics beyond the fact that two people participate in a reciprocal relationship as equals:
ENJOYMENT: they enjoy each other's company most of the time, although there may be temporary states of anger, disappointment or mutual annoyance. ("I find whatever we do more enjoyable when Jim and I do it together." "he has the ability to make me laugh.")
ACCEPTANCE: They accept one another as they are, without trying to change or make th eother into a new or different person. ("She 's not always on me to do things that I don't want to do." "He appreciates my style.")
TRUST: They share mutual trust in the sense that each assumes that the other will act in light of his or her friend's best interest. ("Even when he is bugging me, I know that it's for my own good." "I just know that I can count on her, whatever she says, she will do." "He would never intentionally hurt me--except in a fit of extreme anger.")
RESPECT: They respect each other in the sense of assuming that each exerecises good judgment in making life choices. ("Whe doesn't give advice unless asked, but then it is always good." "He will usually do what's right.")
MUTUAL ACCEPTANCE: They are inclined to assist and support one another and, specifically, they can count on each other in times of need, trouble or personal distress. ("I feel like doing or personal distress. ("I feel like doing things that she needs to have done.")
CONFIDING: They share experiences and feelings with each other. ("He tells me things that no one else knows about him.")
UNDERSTANDING: They have a sense of what is important to each and why the friend does what he or she does. In such cases, friends are not routinely puzzled or mystified by each other's behavior. ("I know what maakes her tick." "I can usually figure out what's wrong when he's troubled or moody.")
SPONTANEITY: Each feels free to be himself or herself in the relationship rather than feeling required to play a role, wear a mask or inhibit revealing personal traits. ("I feel completely comfortable around him.")
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