On Dec 15, Eric W talked to us about one of his favorite topics about which he has written a book. He provides counseling about the process of creating this legacy.
Ethical wills have been present since Biblical times. Jacob gathered his children around when he was on his deathbed. He then tells a story and predicts their future. What is important to him comes out in this recital.
Several characteristics of ethical wills are prominent. Integrity is one. It is important to be you, and show that you are you. When you look at a banana, you see a banana. And when you peel a banana, you have a banana. But the question is: Who are we? What is our integrity? And that may change over time. In our political world, the media makes politicians look like they are flip flopping when truly it may just be that their ideals have changed over time. Similarly our idea of what is right and what is our integrity can change over time. We all want to have certainty. This is important enough to us to determine who we vote for. But in wills, there is material that is more contested than the money that will be distributed.
Eric has analyzed ethical wills that have been written before and those that people would like to write. He has some suggestions for their contents. They can be summarized as follows:
H -- Hopes for the future
E -- Experiences in life
A -- Appreciation for the next generation
R -- Religion or Core Values.
T -- Treasures. Fill the legacy with treasures, comfort words, or talk about death comfortably.
To write an ethical will there are several possible ways to proceed:
1) Just start writing. This does not have to be written as though the author were a Hemmingway or Steinbeck. It can be simple, and even crude.
2) Include estate planning. A regular will would tell the heirs what you want them to have. For an ethical will write what you want them to know. Maybe it would be what one thing was most important to you. Maybe your happiest moment. Maybe your true definition of success.
3) Do an extensive self examination. Ask a lot of questions of yourself. One could put together a video. Some people will do this for a price. But it doesn't have to be long or beautifully written.
4) One thing to not do is write a grudge from the grave. Don't be negative and don't punish heirs or tell them what the all did wrong. These will not go over well.
Example: A mother writes: "What I want for you all as your mother is for you all to love each other as a famly. Love Mom.
Family leaders us these ethical wills to maybe yearly calm a family or to solve conflict.
People are like T bags you never know what they are like until they are in hot water.
The attendees at the meeting all had a chance to write their own ethical wills or messages to their descendents. Some people think these would be good to read to the family before your death.
Here is a very well written ethical will by By Rabbi Monroe Levens (1908-1982), spiritual leader of Tiferet Israel Synagogue in San Diego, CA for more than 30 years. His ethical will, dealing in part with his views on life after death, is at once thought-provoking and instructional. Asking forgiveness for possible inadvertent wrongs is a recognized practice in Jewish life; is is directed to family and friends either orally or, as here, is writing. This was written in 1973.
FAREWELL
This is my farewell. If I have done any harsh thing to anyone in this world, I am sorry and ask to be forgiven. Of one thing I am certain: I have always enjoyed the respect, love and confidence of my brothers. And that is something, a sort of portable treasure, to take along with me wherever I go, if I go anywhere.
It is idle to speculate about death. It is one of the "secret things" that "belong to God," But whatever else it may be, it is the end of earthly existence. However, I do not believe it is the end of the spirit or the soul. And as for immortality, I think it is for us ourselves to determine that question. I believe we are as deathless as we desire or deserve to be. And so it is possible that I may be going somewhere, spiritually.
Life here is a great and wonderful adventure; it may be a greater and more thrilling adventure there. The spirit is at least as real, though mysterious, as the atom whose secret we have only recently penetrated. Whatever doubts I have had and I have had many even as a Rabbi, I have always been a worshiper at the shrine of the wonder of life and the universe.
To be skeptical requires no special skill or intellectual insight. Cynicism is an expression of mental and emotional frustration. The fact that life is and always will be an enigma is no reason for despair but a challenge to faith.
And faith is the thing we supremely need, not the blind, unthinking acceptance of the beast of the field, not resignation, but the questioning, constructive faith which makes life livable and robs death of its terror.
My interest in Judaism, more than a perfunctory attachment, is a powerful and unshatterable allegiance to the Jewish people and the Jewish historic cause which is the cause of an emancipated humanity set free from the shackles of false ideologies and destructive idolatries.
I have a very intense, even prophetic, conviction that the new Israel is destined to loom large in the affairs of the world.
From my Jewish faith I have learned two things which have been the constant theme of my service as a rabbi; that you cannot build up your happiness on the unhappiness of another and second, that you get out of life no more, no less than what you put into it.
I an not afraid to go. Of course, life with all its burdens and reverses, is sweet, and friendships, especially the joys of unforgettable family relations, are precious. I have left many things undone and tasks unfinished as all of us do when the summons comes, but in terms of years, even more than the biblically allotted three score and ten. I have lived my life and should be satisfied. I have had moments of triumph and moments of defeat. I have suffered hardships and have weathered many a storm. I have loved and I have lost. But I believe, if they could be measured in a scale, the joys would outweigh the sorrows.
Rather than fear of the inevitable or regret in going, mine is a feeling of intellectual curiosity. I have experienced many things here, probably everything that can be experienced in this mundane sphere, except this one thing, the final curtain. Instead of dreading it, I find myself asking, "What, if anything, is it?"
The question may never be answered. It may be complete extinction, total irrevocable oblivion. And that is something or rather a vast, impenetrable nothing, about which we cannot speculate or argue either for or against. But if there is a God, and I believe there is, a Supreme and Inscrutable Intelligence, I think He is the god of Life not death.
Therefore with the poet, I will wrap the draperies of my couch about me and lie down, I hope to pleasant dreams.
Faithfully yours, Monroe J. Levens
WOW!
Ethical wills have been present since Biblical times. Jacob gathered his children around when he was on his deathbed. He then tells a story and predicts their future. What is important to him comes out in this recital.
Several characteristics of ethical wills are prominent. Integrity is one. It is important to be you, and show that you are you. When you look at a banana, you see a banana. And when you peel a banana, you have a banana. But the question is: Who are we? What is our integrity? And that may change over time. In our political world, the media makes politicians look like they are flip flopping when truly it may just be that their ideals have changed over time. Similarly our idea of what is right and what is our integrity can change over time. We all want to have certainty. This is important enough to us to determine who we vote for. But in wills, there is material that is more contested than the money that will be distributed.
Eric has analyzed ethical wills that have been written before and those that people would like to write. He has some suggestions for their contents. They can be summarized as follows:
H -- Hopes for the future
E -- Experiences in life
A -- Appreciation for the next generation
R -- Religion or Core Values.
T -- Treasures. Fill the legacy with treasures, comfort words, or talk about death comfortably.
To write an ethical will there are several possible ways to proceed:
1) Just start writing. This does not have to be written as though the author were a Hemmingway or Steinbeck. It can be simple, and even crude.
2) Include estate planning. A regular will would tell the heirs what you want them to have. For an ethical will write what you want them to know. Maybe it would be what one thing was most important to you. Maybe your happiest moment. Maybe your true definition of success.
3) Do an extensive self examination. Ask a lot of questions of yourself. One could put together a video. Some people will do this for a price. But it doesn't have to be long or beautifully written.
4) One thing to not do is write a grudge from the grave. Don't be negative and don't punish heirs or tell them what the all did wrong. These will not go over well.
Example: A mother writes: "What I want for you all as your mother is for you all to love each other as a famly. Love Mom.
Family leaders us these ethical wills to maybe yearly calm a family or to solve conflict.
People are like T bags you never know what they are like until they are in hot water.
The attendees at the meeting all had a chance to write their own ethical wills or messages to their descendents. Some people think these would be good to read to the family before your death.
Here is a very well written ethical will by By Rabbi Monroe Levens (1908-1982), spiritual leader of Tiferet Israel Synagogue in San Diego, CA for more than 30 years. His ethical will, dealing in part with his views on life after death, is at once thought-provoking and instructional. Asking forgiveness for possible inadvertent wrongs is a recognized practice in Jewish life; is is directed to family and friends either orally or, as here, is writing. This was written in 1973.
FAREWELL
This is my farewell. If I have done any harsh thing to anyone in this world, I am sorry and ask to be forgiven. Of one thing I am certain: I have always enjoyed the respect, love and confidence of my brothers. And that is something, a sort of portable treasure, to take along with me wherever I go, if I go anywhere.
It is idle to speculate about death. It is one of the "secret things" that "belong to God," But whatever else it may be, it is the end of earthly existence. However, I do not believe it is the end of the spirit or the soul. And as for immortality, I think it is for us ourselves to determine that question. I believe we are as deathless as we desire or deserve to be. And so it is possible that I may be going somewhere, spiritually.
Life here is a great and wonderful adventure; it may be a greater and more thrilling adventure there. The spirit is at least as real, though mysterious, as the atom whose secret we have only recently penetrated. Whatever doubts I have had and I have had many even as a Rabbi, I have always been a worshiper at the shrine of the wonder of life and the universe.
To be skeptical requires no special skill or intellectual insight. Cynicism is an expression of mental and emotional frustration. The fact that life is and always will be an enigma is no reason for despair but a challenge to faith.
And faith is the thing we supremely need, not the blind, unthinking acceptance of the beast of the field, not resignation, but the questioning, constructive faith which makes life livable and robs death of its terror.
My interest in Judaism, more than a perfunctory attachment, is a powerful and unshatterable allegiance to the Jewish people and the Jewish historic cause which is the cause of an emancipated humanity set free from the shackles of false ideologies and destructive idolatries.
I have a very intense, even prophetic, conviction that the new Israel is destined to loom large in the affairs of the world.
From my Jewish faith I have learned two things which have been the constant theme of my service as a rabbi; that you cannot build up your happiness on the unhappiness of another and second, that you get out of life no more, no less than what you put into it.
I an not afraid to go. Of course, life with all its burdens and reverses, is sweet, and friendships, especially the joys of unforgettable family relations, are precious. I have left many things undone and tasks unfinished as all of us do when the summons comes, but in terms of years, even more than the biblically allotted three score and ten. I have lived my life and should be satisfied. I have had moments of triumph and moments of defeat. I have suffered hardships and have weathered many a storm. I have loved and I have lost. But I believe, if they could be measured in a scale, the joys would outweigh the sorrows.
Rather than fear of the inevitable or regret in going, mine is a feeling of intellectual curiosity. I have experienced many things here, probably everything that can be experienced in this mundane sphere, except this one thing, the final curtain. Instead of dreading it, I find myself asking, "What, if anything, is it?"
The question may never be answered. It may be complete extinction, total irrevocable oblivion. And that is something or rather a vast, impenetrable nothing, about which we cannot speculate or argue either for or against. But if there is a God, and I believe there is, a Supreme and Inscrutable Intelligence, I think He is the god of Life not death.
Therefore with the poet, I will wrap the draperies of my couch about me and lie down, I hope to pleasant dreams.
Faithfully yours, Monroe J. Levens
WOW!
1 comment:
Great ideas. The ideas I would add is to talk to each individual child or grand child and tell that person what you find great about them and hope
for their future. Stress the importance of friends and family.
Sunie Levin
http://www.makenewfriendslivelonger.com
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