As often happens at our meeting, we began this Bake Off by reading through a recent column written by Phillip Chard. But for some reason, our discussion this time went quite astray to what did seem to be an interesting topic for most people. As is often the case, there were several physicians in the group. We therefore served as each other's sounding board about our medical training.
Hit Read More to enjoy Phillip Chard's article, and to have a brief summary of what our discussion turned to.
Hit Read More to enjoy Phillip Chard's article, and to have a brief summary of what our discussion turned to.
Happiness is a matter of doing, not trying
Hoping for a happier 2012? Well, behavioral science has a few things to tell us about how to be happy, and some of these guidelines may prove surprising.
For instance, we know that certain activities are correlated with increased happiness, but, surprisingly for men, these include cultural events (think concerts, theater, opera . . . really), as well as stereotypical pursuits like golf and outdoor pastimes. For women, participating in church activities and socializing with family and friends seem like givens, but attending sporting events has a similar impact.
It probably won't surprise you to know that pets increase overall life satisfaction, which is good because most households have at least one critter. Living with a pet elevates self-esteem, a sense of belonging and even a feeling of meaningfulness, while also reducing loneliness.
Cultivating a sense of gratitude is another proven path to happiness. Taking time to jot down the good things that have recently come your way or writing letters of gratitude to deserving people in your life (even if you don't send them) helps promote gratefulness. In general, grateful people are happy people.
Many will be pleased to know that sexual activity, at least with an emotionally intimate partner, also is correlated with happiness, as well as diminished angst about one's troubles. Nonsexual physical affection has a similar impact, although to a lesser degree.
Altruism is strongly correlated with an increased sense of life satisfaction. Giving to others is far more powerful in this regard than giving to one's self and has been associated with stronger and more meaningful relationships, including marriages.
Another approach involves what is sometimes called "positive nostalgia." Reviewing "makes me smile or laugh" memories (get out those photo albums or videos) is one way to invoke this happiness-raising effect.
There are other actions one can take - being a lifelong learner, connecting with something greater than one's self, living healthy, practicing self acceptance, and so on.
This is all good stuff, but there's a catch. Research also shows that when we think too much about our own happiness, we are less likely to actually be happy. There seems an inverse relationship between how much time and energy one spends pondering or even obsessing about happiness and the odds of actually achieving it. What gives?
Well, happiness is about doing and being, not cogitating. Most of the "keys to happiness" that are supported by research have one thing in common - action - doing something that contributes to a greater sense of well-being.
On the other hand, thinking about happiness ("Am I happy?" or "Why not?" or "How do I get there?" and the like) often gets in the way of acting on it. Sometimes we tell ourselves that this kind of thinking is part of "trying" to be happy, but too often it is how we procrastinate about taking those actions that might leave us more fulfilled.
When it comes to cultivating happiness, Yoda was right.
"Do or do not. There is no try."
Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. Names used in this column are changed to honor client confidentiality. Email him at pschard@earthlink.net or visit philipchard.com.
As I said, because there were several physicians in the group, we sort of fed off of each other. It began with reminiscence about our training and medical school days. Several of us told of how the gross anatomy lab served to initiate the brand new medical student who comes in the door on the first day to the cadaver lab. This is such a shock that often one or even two of these bright new med students who have been very carefully selected for their strength of character and intelligence walk out the door never to return. We discussed our division into groups of 4 each assigned to a cadaver. The group dynamics that develop in this small group are often memorable as well. Though my anatomy instructors tried to be very humane, still the nature of the situation was often intimidating. Sometimes there was intimidation even between the members of the small tank unit. We all had very sharp memories of this period of gross anatomy study.
The discussion then turned to medical training in general and how there used to be a belittling nature to the teaching that occurred. Most of us recalled some incident that showed this method of teaching. though I think it has moderated, some thought that it still goes on today in some medical schools and in some medical specialties. In know personally through my son's experience in surgical residency it existed as recently as in the 1990s. One thing that is concerning is that the medical student and then the resident learns to put up a wall to protect themselves from these sharp affronts to their well being and psyche. This system of training may lead to physicians who have trouble relating closely to their patients. On the other hand, in some cases a little of this distancing is necessary to avoid burnout and an inability to deal with the stresses of modern day medical practice. My son the surgeon maintains that the severity of the training, the belittling and bullying are necessary to develop a surgeon who can react in the moment to horribly stressful life and death circumstances without emotion relying totally on his knowledge and training. I would venture to say that this medical hierarchy and system of training needs to walk a tightrope between developing this kind of character strength in the trainee and creating an unemotional doctor who becomes the perhaps arrogant cold and distant physician who some patients complain about. As in many things, a happy medium is needed.
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